Thoughts from Proverbs (note: the pics here are for comic relief...they have nothing to do with this post...):
Jonas and I have said for about 4 years now that these are our Long-Term Character Training Goals in no particular order : to have
self-control (I told Jonas being loving and having self-control were the only 2 things we really needed to say b/c they encompass the rest...but here are the others), to be
loving, to be
unselfish (I think this is the toughest in today’s world to teach and as a sinner ourselves) to be
kind/compassionate, to be
faithful (or have
integrity-to “keep your oath even when it hurts”--do what you say, be where you say you’ll be, tell the truth, have the appearance of Christlikeness (remember there are lots of folks who claim Christ but you can't tell it by looking at them, talking to them, or knowing them, 1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.)
Lately, I have been more complacent on my discipline with kid #2. Partially, it is because I am tired and have more going on and partially it is because I am a little more laissez-fair with #2 and partially because he needs MUCH LESS discipline that #1 required! He is just easier! --well, he was when I drafted this and lately he is TESTING ME!
Nevertheless, in my interactions with adults I still realize that I need to be disciplining. How will even my “easy” child develop self-control and discipline if I don’t TEACH him. If I don’t confront him about sin, he won’t listen to any one else or let anyone else ever talk to him about it either. I also want him to have healthy relationships with a future spouse, friends, and family. People who have no self-control, no internal motivation and no self- discipline cannot , WILL NOT, have happy, meaningful relationships with others in the world. Still, there have been many situations in life the past year that have made me look at myself in new and horrible ways and look at others with some insight that was not so pretty either. God has been revealing himself to me and through others and I just can’t stop thinking about it AND how I want life and my kids’ lives to be different as a result of it. I have been thrilled to have a husband that has taught me so much about my own sin and done it in a gentle way (for the most part). His motives have always been to make me better and not to tear me down and for that I am thankful. Even when he hasn’t SAID anything to me about my sin, in my interactions with him I have realized my blaring sin and shortcomings and am trying/have made/am still working to change some things about myself.
I have also been reading a book that has made me pray more earnestly having him search me out in show me ( Psa. 139: 23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting ) my sin. Word to the wise: don’t do that unless you are seriously prepared to hear some stuff from God!!!! It is like praying for patience or reading a book about parenting—He is going to undoubtedly stretch you and make you walk what you are reading/learning…he is going to cause you to flesh it out in REAL LIFE!!! So these are some of my random thoughts on God’s direction lately…
God EXPECTS us to discipline, as he does. He doesn’t want us to be lazy about it.
Deuteronomy 8:5
Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you.
I pray a lot for discernment and recently some of that has worked out. I held my tongue when I wanted to scream, I kept back some things that could have been said when I was provoked, I did not become confused when someone told me some things that might have led me down a different path in life, I didn’t gossip when I was invited to do it, I wasn’t rude when someone was accusing something I hold dear, I didn’t retaliate when someone humiliated me…still I have so far to go...but I wanted to give God some praise for answering my prayers for discernment and for encouraging me in different ways (a random phone call from a STRANGER apologizing for another person, a hug and kind word from a person who doesn't do that much, an encouragement from someone who doesn’t do that much) after each victory…I am going to pray for more discernment more often. God is so good to come and rescue me when I tempted to screw life up.
Proverbs 1
1 The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel:
2 for attaining wisdom and discipline;
for understanding words of insight;
3 for acquiring a disciplined and prudent life,
doing what is right and just and fair;
Those bolded words are some of my fervent prayers.
I don’t want my kids to be like this:
11 At the end of your life you will groan,
when your flesh and body are spent.
12 You will say, "How I hated discipline!
How my heart spurned correction!
13 I would not obey my teachers
or listen to my instructors.
YIKES..some of my students who plagiarize struggle with obeying and listening to instruction!
I desire for my children to accept rebuke and discipline and not be foolish. I am going to pray that they can receive criticism without getting angry and blaming others…that is so HARD.
Proverbs 1:7
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.
One thing God has revealed to me lately is that I don’t always have to worry about those who are not disciplined and living right in my life…they will pay their own price (Prov 5:23)…I don’t want my kids to be led astray for their lack of discipline.
Proverbs 5:23
He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.
Without God’s Word—we are lost…
Proverbs 6:23
For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life,
I don’t want MY kids or ME to lead others astray—
Proverbs 10:17
He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray.
Proverbs 12:1
Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid (NIV). I love how God just tells it like it is, as my Mamanette once said. I don’t want to be stupid, God help me to see my sin and act prudently and change when people or you point out my flaws.
Proverbs 13:18
He who ignores discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honored.
God we need honor from no one but you. You are advocating for us. We can let you go before us and advocate for us. Help me and my children to stay self-controlled with our minds, our mouth, our bodies.
Proverbs 13:24
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
Proverbs 15:10
Stern discipline awaits him who leaves the path; he who hates correction will die.
Proverbs 19:18
Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.
I don’t want my kids to die (figuratively or spiritually or physically) so I must discipline…and folks there are “dead men (and women )walking” who have never been disciplined or self-controlled and they are basically dead on the inside…depressed, angry, bitter, and making poor/lazy/complacent decisions in life...only doing what pleases themselves all the time, etc…
Proverbs 15:32
He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding.
I want my kids to love themselves and to gain understanding. As Jeb starts K this year I am praying he can handle correction well…
Proverbs 29:17
Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.
I don’t know about you but I see some harried grandparents in the world today (these are things I have seen/heard in my life/tennis club/Wal-mart) having their 40 year old kids at home mooching, worrying about where their kid is, how he doesn’t have a car/driver’s license, can’t keep his kids, can’t keep a job, can’t find a wife, is overweight, depressed,addicted,co-dependent, etc…I don’t want to raise my grandkids and I don’t want to “lose” my adult children to drugs, alcohol, the world, money, some other sinner, etc…I want them to bring delight to us in our old age and HONOR God so they can be blessed and have his comfort in their life. So, I must discipline and teach self-control NOW!!!
2 Timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
God GAVE us discipline..he desires it in us. He wants us to teach our kids to not be lazy, complacent,self-serving only…he wants us to work hard, play hard, love fully, and use our bodies for his glory…not merely our pleasure and whims.
What God expects of leaders (which I want to raise...well, someone who can follow to...but also that can be a leader):
Titus 1:8
Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is
self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined
This is what I claim when I want to give up:
Hebrews 12:11
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Lord, I want me and my family to reap a great harvest of peace and righteousness.
The other issue I’ve been dealing with God on the past year is SLEEP…and Anxiety some nights…it waxes and wanes…one month fine/the next not so fine…so I’ve been collecting some scriptures that are helping me…but the bottom line is that I am either running wild or dead asleep and I sometimes think he forgot to program an idle mode in me???
• Psalm 3:5
I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.
Psalm 4:8
I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.
Psalm 121:4
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
Proverbs 6:21-23 About God’s Words:
21 Bind them upon your heart forever;
fasten them around your neck.
22 When you walk, they will guide you;
when you sleep, they will watch over you;
when you awake, they will speak to you.
23 For these commands are a lamp,
this teaching is a light,
and the corrections of discipline
are the way to life,
Ecclesiastes 5:12
The sleep of a laborer is sweet, whether he eats little or much, but the abundance of a rich man permits him no sleep.
Proverbs 3:24 (New International Version)
24 when you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
P.S.
---when I drafted this blog I had no idea that the next week Jeb and I would be doing battle over the SAME thing this blog is about. I have just come to accept that kids today and especially mine are spoiled rotten. It seems like it is an Act of Congress to "inconvenience" my almost-Kindergarner to pick up his own stuff and put clothes in the dirty clothes or go brush his teeth. I had to really pray with him tonight and hold him and say...I will be more patient and kind but YOU must obey without whining, without asking WHY, without being angry, and the FIRST TIME. We are team...neither of us want to do some of this stuff but BOTH of us have to discpline ourselves to do some things that "just are not fun". It is hard growing up...it still is some days for me to work and clean and cook!! I still hope that after all this bickering he, somehow, grows up to be self-discplined and responsible!
A little from James Dobson on this: How does external discipline get translated into internal control?
Question
Isn't it our goal to produce children with self-discipline and self-reliance? If so, how does your approach to external discipline imposed by parents get translated into internal control?
Answer
There are many authorities who suggest that parents take a passive approach to their children for the reason implied by your question: They want their kids to discipline themselves. But since young people lack the maturity to generate that self-control, they stumble through childhood without experiencing either internal or external discipline. Thus, they enter adult life having never completed an unpleasant assignment or accepted an order that they disliked or yielded to the leadership of their elders. Can we expect such a person to exercise self-discipline in young adulthood? I think not. That individual doesn't even know the meaning of the word.
My belief is that parents should introduce their children to discipline and self-control by any reasonable means available, including the use of external influences, when they are young. By being required to behave responsibly, he gains valuable experience in controlling his own impulses and resources. Then as he grows into the teen years, responsibility is transferred year by year from the shoulders of the parent directly to the child. He is no longer required to do what he has learned during earlier years in hopes that he will want to function on his own initiative.
To illustrate, a child should be required to keep his room relatively neat when he is young. Then somewhere during the midteens, his own self-discipline should take over and provide the motivation to continue the task. If it does not, the parent should close the door and let him live in a dump, if that is his choice.
In short, self-discipline does not come automatically to those who have never experienced it. Self-control must be learned, and it must be taught.
