"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us..."
There are days (like yesterday) where it certainly seems like the worst of times and I want a PAYING job.
One child is whining and bored when he owns a Wii, DS, ipad, and Legos. He pitches a fit about eating grilled chicken for dinner.
--I offer rice and beans for supper if I hear one more word.
One child acts like a spoiled brat when I say no to things like Sprite and Cookies, among other things.
--I yell for him to quit asking me for JUNK and quit bringing junk for me to look at and say no to.
One child is disobedient at every turn and full of drama.
--I send her to her room where I eventually have to go and still "deal" with disruptions b/c she is screaming to get out of that same room every 2 mins or less.
BUT...then those same children...
Beg me not to go back to work because they like me investing in them instead of my bank account.
Play an animal trivia game with me and know EVERY answer...even some that I don't.
Run to find me when he catches the largest bullfrog he's ever seen and delights in sharing it with me.
Looks at me during reading lessons and says, "ooo a good mama," sealed with a kiss.
There are days when I get tired of the "age of foolishness," filled with kids with no manners, but lots of demands. But it is also a season of LIGHT! I see them growing with hearts of compassion every day before my eyes. They delight in caring for a baby they love so dearly. They light up my life with joy, and love, and funny things. Still, there are days it seems dark and that I am not pointing them well, towards the Lord, but instead fussing, griping, demanding, and cajoling to get them to move my way towards a meal or homework or the van. Then, there are those "springs of hope" in each day that I see that feeling like a slave to this family is all worth it. During my "winters of despair" living on one income with quite a wishlist I realize that this time is short, and precious, and coming to a close and that I should instead focus on the springy-feeling moments. The moments where Skeeter makes sure that brother is going to be in heaven with her one day because, "she wants to walk with him." Thank you Lord Jesus for making all things new each morning. I need you so much to get me through the winter days of despair as a mother!
So, I had to also go back to a book I read this summer called Unglued by Lisa Terkeurst. Page 23 reads:
" I have a choice to think destructive thoughts or constructive thoughts right now. I can wallow in what is wrong and make things worse, or I can ask God for a better perspective to help me see good even when I don't feel good."
2 Corinthians 10: 5-Take those thoughts captive!
"I can face things that are out of my control and not act out of control." Yesterday, I admittedly, was a bit out of control myself. So, I have just decided that we were all "bad" yesterday. Bad moments don't make bad mamas, and I am so thankful for new mercies!
Galatians 6:9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.
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