Why Foster Parent?

Why Foster Parent?

First of all, if you didn’t read the post about why we are considering adoption in 2009 it is here: http://dearabbyc.blogspot.com/2009/05/why-we-are-considering-adoptionthe.html.  This post really explains how God developed my heart for orphans and how the Holy Spirit would NEVER let me go on my call to love children and see them in families!  

Like our adoption journey, I didn’t know when we would say yes, if there was a case that would “fit” our family, even if we would say yes anytime soon, after all I already had 3 kids to love and saw no extra time or energy.  Still, God would not let me go on being available.  Nevertheless, less than a month after our approval (actually the baby arrived before our certificate-ha), the call came! So far, I have always been thankful that I said yes to a social worker’s call!  Our baby girl has been such a breath of fresh air for our family, and smelling baby milk breath again has been really sweet for me personally.  Now, has it been easy?  NO.  Have I enjoyed losing sleep and not going to be with hubby for month…NO.  Is it going to be easy to let her go? NO. I dread it (see end of email on this one)  I have had one nightmare and one little cry fest over handing her over.  Still, I KNOW that she was meant to be here..for now.  I can trust Him and His will for all the unknowns.

 How have my kids responded?   The other night our kids were talking about missing her when a friend had her and I asked them if they would take a baby again. They all chimed in a quick “YES.” And so despite all my failings as a mother juggling 4 and working part-time, I was so thankful that they would all do it all over at almost the 2 month mark.  Then, I reminded them that summer was coming up and a baby might just cramp our hiking, fishing, camping style and Caleb’s response was the best, “but what if a baby needs us?”  I melted.  I am so thankful that it is clear that they would prefer to love a baby that needs love then to have more of my time.  It has been a huge blessing to love a child that needs love.  For many years, I have called around to get my children involved serving at different places, and the truth was that no one really wanted kids around AND that was just another weekly/monthly commitment to remember to “work out.” So for us, having a child added to our family seemed like the best way to serve the Lord, teach our children about meeting others’ needs, and allow them to see that not all kids have their life.  However, along the way many folks have asked WHY?  So, I have been working up these notes for the last few weeks to answer that question and to ask you WHY NOT consider it for your family?  I can’t think of a better way to be a missionary then to do it in your own home!  

I am also thankful that part of the reason I feel like I can take on extra kids along our way is our very valuable support system of family and friends.  I am so thankful that they are willing to help, love, and support us and our children..and be willing to love other extra bonus kids along the way!  As I have told a few friends when we said, yes, that YES, I am going to take their help....in fact, I was counting on it!  This is hard sometimes, but that is part of being a family of God. I am so thankful for my brothers and sister in Christ that love anyone we love! 

Another reason I wanted to get this out there soon is because we  got a letter a few weeks ago from the foster parent recruiting social worker that stirred me to finish my thoughts and get them out there!  Here is part of her letter:

“The children who come into our program have found themselves in difficult circumstances through no fault of their own. They’re victims of neglect, or worse.  They’re in needs of a safe, stable home where they can be like other kids—go to school, play with friends, feel safe, and find some sense of normalcy.” 

“Unfortunately, we don’t have enough foster families to meet the needs of all the children…because finding families is not easy.  DSS currently has custody of 3200 SC children who are all in need of the same stability, comfort and safety that you can provide.  Many can be separated from their siblings and/or placed in group homes or other institutions unless we can find more families to step forward and share their lives with a child who has been less fortunate.” 

So, I hope you will consider taking this journey alongside us…and these are some notes I have jotted down over the past few weeks that I hope you will pray over and consider if you have a loving family to share.  We are mere babes at this so while I am happy to talk to you if you are considering foster parenting, I do know some other folks that are seasoned pros that can answer your questions!  This post is me not claiming to be any expert on foster parenting by any, teeny stretch…this is just my own thoughts over the weeks leading up to our licensing and why we decided to say yes. 

I would like to start by saying….why not?  If Christians are not the ones to do it, then who?  Christians used to be the ones known in their villages/towns as the people who would take in anybody.  I don’t know about that these days; I hope we have not lost that reputation.  

 
Of course, it is Biblical for the Christian.  You don’t ever have to worry if investing in an orphan is in God’s will.  Yes, not all of us are called to be foster parents or adopt, but if you are a Christian it is God’s will for you to have some part in loving the orphan. 

James 1:27 (NIV) ²⁷ Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

To keep from being polluted by the world?  I am not sure I have ever noticed that immediately after the first part of this verse.   I think the easiest way to not get polluted is to be super busy doing God’s will.  Still, of course sin is a daily struggle for me, but I have less time to think about many petty things that might pollute my life.  

If we are pro-life then I feel like it should be followed with action…of some sort.  Can we support the pregnancy care center, work with youth encouraging them to remain pure, mentor a young mother, help her get a GED, budget, babysit, etc…  Where are all these babies that we want folks to keep supposed to go?  How are these mothers supposed to take care of newborns when some of them really are alone in this word or are babies themselves? 

Acts 20:35 In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: "It is more blessed to give than to receive." Acts 20:35

Giving sets us free, while hoarding entraps us (James 5:2).
Giving changes the lives of others (John 3:16).
Giving brings blessing back to us (Luke 6:38).
Giving allows us to store up treasures in Heaven rather than here on the earth (Matthew 19:21).

If we who are so blessed, don’t give…are we like this verse in James 2:16: I just couldn’t pray for orphans and not move anymore.

 Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? - James 2:16

This song impacted me greatly:

I Refuse, Josh Wilson

Sometimes I
I just want to close my eyes
And act like everyone's alright
When I know they're not

This world needs God
But it's easier to stand and watch
I could say a prayer and just move on
Like nothing's wrong

But I refuse
'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse

I can hear the least of these
Crying out so desperately
And I know we are the hands and feet
Of You, oh God

So, if You say move
It's time for me to follow through
And do what I was made to do
Show them who You are

'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care

I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse

To stand and watch the weary and lost
Cry out for help
I refuse to turn my back
And try and act like all is well

I refuse to stay unchanged
To wait another day, to die to myself
I refuse to make one more excuse

'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse

I refuse
I refuse

com·pas·sion

a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

You see, compassion doesn't just say, "Oh, that poor child." Compassion says "Let's do something about this!" Compassion has a strong desire to alleviate the suffering. It doesn't just sit back and wait, it takes action. It doesn't shed a tear, but then turn its back, pretending that it doesn't know, thinking that someone else will take care of it.

- Proverbs 24:12  This verse struck me!

Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know, and holds us responsible to act. - Proverbs 24:12

CBS Commentary p. 117 Revelation Lesson 15:  

"While God may not call us to die physically for His name, He does want us to love others, which requires that we die daily. Love is not a feeling.  Very often it is just hard work: regarding others before ourselves, being patient with those who are weak; doing good to those who hate us; praying for those who mistreat us.  Such love costs us.  It costs us our pride, our time, our money, our convenience.  It forces us to die to self.  Every act of love endures and can change lives, even as God's love has changed ours."  

Prayer of St. Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Another reason...

The Sheep and the Goats

³¹ “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. ³² All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. ³³ He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

³⁴ “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵ For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

³⁷ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸ When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹ When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

⁴⁰ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

⁴¹ “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. ⁴² For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, ⁴³ I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

⁴⁴ “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

⁴⁵ “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

⁴⁶ “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

Then, again, in Isaiah (1: 16) HE makes it pretty clear what he does NOT desire: religious traditions and legalistic rituals.  He says he is pretty sick of those and desires this:

 

Wash and make yourselves clean.
    Take your evil deeds out of my sight;
    stop doing wrong.
¹⁷ Learn to do right; seek justice.
    Defend the oppressed.^[a]
Take up the cause of the fatherless;
    plead the case of the widow.

Then, he is also clear about loving our neighbors in our community...and those broader spectrum "neighbors" as well.   

Mark 12: 31 'The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." 

 Romans 12 (NLT): Part of our family theme verse:   And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice--the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.

 I am not so foolish to think that foster parenting is going to be a breeze.  LOVE IS HARD.  It is also joy-bringing, but it is sometimes JUST HARD.

Am I scared?  Yes.  Do I feel qualified? No.  Do I have the time? No.  Do I have the energy? Maybe.  Still, when Peter stepped out to the water he did not think he could walk.  He did so by faith in the living God.   Every time I make a decision to serve God it certainly seems like Satan has ratcheted up his attacks.   It seems like every time this past year a fire inspector, DHEC inspector, or social worker needed to come here it was a rough day where Satan wanted to disqualify me as a mother.  I am not at all confident we can do this, just confident in Him. Not Qualified. Just Available.  

An classic that convicted me to move--

"The Lord challenges us to suffer persecutions and to confess him.  He wants those who belong to him to be brave and fearless.  He himself shows how weakness of the flesh is overcome by courage of the Spirit.  This is the testimony of the apostles and in particular of the representative, administrating Spirit.  A Christian is fearless."

- Tertullian

There are so many things about foster parenting that are indeed fear-producing.  Still, I can testify to you that God knows what you can handle.  When you say yes to him when he is calling, he will never bring any situation into your life that you cannot hack and that he won’t equip you for! 

Here is the bare bones sinful human truth:  I would prefer to just enjoy my own kids, save my money, travel extensively, not worry about when to say yes/no, or the what ifs of getting mixed up in messy lives...sure I'd rather live without ever sacrificing...but there is another truth I can't deny... if I do I might be happy, but I might miss out on true joy in life.  I might have all the good things this world offers, and miss out on the great things God wants to do in our family and in someone’s life. I might miss out on being part of what God is doing on this earth.  I want my children to see that our faith is lived out in our day-day life...that the gospel impacts our family. I could wait until they are older or I am older...but what if I don't live that long ?  What if I don't have the passion then?  What if I miss out God's blessings because I chose to be disobedient? 

 "The truth is that the Spirit of the living God is guaranteed to ask you to go somewhere or do something you wouldn't normally want or choose to do."  Forgotten God by Francis Chan.    

 I also decided after reading Forgotten God that we can do a lot of things in America and not have to rely on the Holy Spirit. We are a pretty self-sufficient people that can get a lot accomplished in worldly standards …without God.  If we never really get ourselves out of a “safe zone” and get to where we have to depend on God then how can we trust him, grow, and know that He will indeed come through for us!  I can assure that adopting and fostering will give you a chance to depend on God in new ways.  Just saying yes has been a faith journey for us.  After you pull the trigger on action and decide to “go,” the rest (even the labor) actually gets easier.

This is part of an article I read recently from http://www.albertmohler.com/2008/08/29/the-culture-of-the-congregation-celebrating-adoption/.

Given the vast number of at-risk orphans in the world — now numbering in the millions — this resurgence in adoption among American evangelicals should be a matter of public celebration.  In the United States, 127,000 children are considered “unadoptable,” and many of these are racial minorities.  Shouldn’t the adoption of these children be a priority for the church?  It would seem so, but politics and political correctness often complicate the rescue of vulnerable children.

As Naomi Schaefer Riley reports on adoption:

The command to “defend the orphan” (Isaiah 1:16-17) has always been vital to the Christian message, Mr. Moore (from the book Adopted for Life)  tells me. One thing that distinguished early Christians from their pagan neighbors was their treatment of unwanted children. And adoption is also the literal manifestation of a metaphor that Christians use to describe themselves all the time. “Every one of us who follows Christ was adopted into an already existing family,” says Mr. Moore.

Russell Moore (Adopted for Life) has offered a clear and compelling basis for celebrating and encouraging adoption, and for refuting the lies of this age with the power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, which is, after all, a Gospel of adoption.-- Naomi Schaefer Riley

For Christians, this is thus a matter of adoption by the adopted.  Such is the Kingdom of God.

Furthermore, If I hear another CHRISTIAN say, "I could not do that," I might just bust.  I mean, after all, the Bible says, "I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me strength."  

It says: "Nothing is too hard for me."  Jeremiah 32:37. 

It says:  "Nothing is impossible with God."  Luke 1:37. 

John 14 talks about how He so generously left us with "a helper" that would graciously assist us in all our work for the Lord.  You already have all you need, in the Holy Spirit, to accomplish anything God calls you to do.

I don't know if it gives a person a "holy opt out" to say that, but I just don't buy it. I have not quite come up with a good response that is gracious, but I am working on one. 

Romans 12:  Place Your Life Before God mSG
12 ^1-2 So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

fun times

soaking up her new Caillou books even while she sleeps!

club building buddies

proud of his clubs

our sweetie

This club was going up on the front porch.  Yes, they got these logs transported from the woods themselves! 

My Valentines!

My bundles of Potentiality! 

 It has been a long time since I have blogged, mostly since I am hesitant to post pics of M and we have a new little blessing with us!  She is 8lbs of lovin' and will be here for a few months. I  could not find a picture of my Jebbers since he mostly plays sports and is at school these days.  All the pics of him were also with the new baby (he's a baby lover!), and so I can't post those.  So, this post will mostly be about my 2 Valentine's that are with me during the day!  These two have their share of squabbles for sure, but lately club building had brought them together.  They build clubs in their rooms, in the playroom, in the living room and anywhere there is space!  They also have some good, muddy times outdoors together. 

She loves some pigs! 

He was not even afraid when this bad boy took off for Patty-Cake with him on board!

A true bundle of potentiality! 

This boy adores this Daddy.

Mud is good for some things! 

He can get on and off all by himself!  STRONG DUDE.

Brother tired of pictures.

I thought the goggles were a nice touch when I looked up after putting my shoes on.  She is in water, right? 

These Valentines are for the 2 other mamas in our life.  One that chose life for one baby girl and one that took care of our other baby girl for 2 years!