Crooks family verse and...not raising a sociopath in today's world.

Barely caught him before his first tooth fell out!

How is it that today's parents, raising 2 kids, feel more stress than did parents 50 years ago who were raising five kids?  This question from  Parenting by the Book by John Rosemond has really compelled me to do some thinking this summer!


See if you are raising a socio-path...this got me?!  These are the 3 beliefs that form the core of a criminal/sociopath:
1- What I want, I deserve to have (entitlement).
2-Because I am entitled to what I want, the ends justify the means (pragmatism).
3- The rules don't apply to me; therefore, no one has a right to deny me or stand in my way (narcissism).

"people locked in maximum security prisons-score higher on self-esteem than any other group."

Other quotes I loved:
"under the circumstances, he has every right to believe that his parents exist for the sole purpose of serving him..."
"Authority, legitimately exercised, slowly liberates the human spirit, which is creative and loving, from the prison of human nature, which is anything but."
"Baumeister (a researcher) discovered that people with high self-esteem ten to have low self-control...they dont' handle defeat or disappointment well..."

This little boy lights up my every minute!

Grandma's 3 R's:
Respect--learn to submit to authority and others.
Responsibility-taking accountability for their own actions ( he talks a bit about how teachers should not dread calling parents b/c we all used to be on the same team and you could count on parents to discipline kids..but now...the kids are always innocent and it's always the teacher's fault.
Resourcefulness (my kids have a way to go here) a hang in there, figure it out, tough it out attitude when challenged.

"Ironically, the ubiquitous effort to make children happy is putting them at risk for becoming perpetual malcontents." OUCH.

Our Long-Term Childrearing Goals:

Integrity, self-control, loving-kindness,  unselfishness, compassion, service.

For a long time J and I have had our child-rearing objectives posted somewhere we can see them often.  It helps us when our kids say things like "I wish I had a different Dad/Mom" which has happened lately, unfortunately.

I have said it before and we tweak them a bit...but they stay about the same.  Even though Rosemond doesn't come out and say you should have objectives, he does say that you should keep the 30 year goal in mind and not even a 5 or10 year goal.

This can be a struggle when the world says that the most important attribute your child should have (or so it seems) is to be a star ball player.  Just look where people spend their time/money (my kids do play sports some seasons...but it doesn't take our lives over like some I know.

A quote I liked from his book--"I'm sorry, but watching a child play a sport and cheering from the sidelines does NOT constitute a family activity."  That is going to make some folks mad I am sure.

 If you have not read this book and you are a parent or teacher I highly recommend it!  He talks a lot about how and why parenting became so stressful (it used to not be so!).  He also bashes the myth that our goal is to create self-esteem. Since this has b/c America's goal our children have actually become MORE depressed and MORE unsuccessful.  He discusses being over focused on kids and micromanaging them.

I took the NLV and the NIV and combined them to come up with this:

Crooks Family Verse- Romans 12:

9-Don’t just pretend to love others; really love them.  Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

10-Be devoted to one another; honor one another.

11-Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.

12-Be joyful in hope, patient in trouble, and keep on praying.

13-When people are in need-help them. 

This is going to be tough, tough, tough for me to uphold.  Holy Spirit we need you BADLY. 

I hope I don't continue to take child-rearing notes from the world:

 22Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 

25They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

My favorite family picture to date!

Book Description from Amazon

Picture respectful, responsible, obedient children who entertain themselves without television or video games, do their own homework, and have impeccable manners. A pie-in-the-sky fantasy? Not so, says family psychologist and bestselling author John Rosemond. Any parent who so desires can grow children who fit that description -- happy, emotionally healthy children who honor their parents and their families with good behavior and do their best in school.In the 1960s, American parents stopped listening to their elders when it came to child rearing and began listening instead to professional experts. Since then, raising children has become fraught with anxiety, stress, and frustration. The solution, says John, lies in raising children according to biblical principles, the same principles that guided parents successfully for hundreds of years. They worked then, and they still work now!
Through his nationally syndicated newspaper column and eleven books, John has been helping families raise happy, well-behaved children for more than thirty years. In Parenting by The Book, which John describes as both a "mission and a ministry," he brings parents back to the uncomplicated basics. Herein fi nd practical, Bible-based advice that will help you be the parent you want to be, with children who will be, as the Bible promises, "a delight to your soul" (Pro. 29-17). As a bonus, John also promises to make you laugh along the way.

"The risks of attempting to raise a child w/out regard for God's blueprint ...include a child who is ill-behaved, disrespectful, destructive and self-destructive, irresponsible, inattentive, careless, aggressive, self-centered, deceitful..." The risks to a child's parents include chronic frustration, stress, anxiety, anger, resentment, conflict, and guilt."  Sound familiar?  I hope not...but I have to say YES!

What is his fix you say? Commanding communication, consistency, and consequences that compel.

My paraphrase of one of his sentences: Love is not enough to raise a functional child. I wish it was!

The last day of summer...boo hoo and other exciting happenin's

If you don't think this Guernsey calf is sweet something is wrong with you.  

 The last day of summer we went to tour the Clemson University Dairy farm!  The boys thought it was cool to see how “trained” the cows are to come, give their milk, and saunter back to their cooling mist fans, soft-bedding “rooms”, and water tanks brimming with clean, fresh water.  One cow even had a fistula so students can see “the inside” of what is going on with the cow.  Crazy.  Caleb is still talking about why they put a hole in the cow.  Then, we learned a lot about how long they milk, what breeds give the most milk, and how often they  have calves.  The calves were the best part for sure.  We went back to the calf barn and there was a 1 day old Holstein calf.  I turned to look at the Guernsey calf and when I turned back Cay was KISSING the little thing.  They were the softest, sweetest specimens of calves I have ever seen.  I guess their moms get all the grain they  want during pregnancy and so they had the most gorgeous coats.  Their stalls were perfectly groomed and they were used to being bottle-fed so the boys enjoyed their docile personalities.  The jersey calves looked like little deer to Jeb.

Nana Mac went with us to the farm!

Chip showing Caleb the ropes at the farm.  Yes, we had to wear plastic booties to keep the place clean!

One day old Holstein.

The Jersey calf warms up to Jeb.

One happy boy.

Besides creek fishing, we’ve been doing a load of swimming.  Cay is diving to the 5-6 ft area and getting things off the bottom. I am amazed!  He is working hard to keep up with big  brother.  Jeb can swim the entire width of the Olympic size pool and back these days with pretty good form.  It comes in handy to have a former swim instructor for a father.  That and a mother who loves to go to the pool and swim as well!  I don’t get all these Moms on the side with dry hair and a book?

First day of 1st grade!  He loved it!  

1st grade has begun!  Classes have started for both J and I. Soccer has started as well for Jeb.  He chose to play up this year with the older kids so this should be interesting since they are twice his size!  Still, we went to a Clemson soccer game this week so he could see how small and fast some of the players were.  He was encouraged! 


In thinking about back to school-- Randy Alcorn wrote this this week on twitter (I am a BIG Alcorn fan): 

In many classrooms, those who believe Scripture are routinely accused of arrogance. Jesus said God’s word is truth (John 17:17). It’s not arrogance to believe what the Bible teaches. It’s the opposite. Arrogance is when we believe whatever we want to, as if we are qualified to judge truth. Then we end up tailoring truth to fit our preferences. (from The Grace and Truth Paradox.  If you have not read this book—it is AWESOME and it pretty much sums up why I love my church.)

Celebrating the long-awaited rain! Thank you God!

Caleb loves his pup.  He loves on her EVERY morning.  

Carson and Cay enjoy a cool day!  

The boys are practicing up. 

 Jeb lost his first tooth!  He was so brave and just yanked it out one night before the shower. His face says it all.  He was so excited. It seemed like everyone he knew had lost a tooth or two or three and he was still windowless so he is pumped that he’s one of them now!
 The BEFORE shot of the teeth!

 The after shot with his 1st window!  Is he thrilled or what?

That is one small tooth.

The boys had a fun summer together and to be fair for posterity--they also fought a lot!  

One of our chickens really outdid herself this week.  This egg is enormous.  

Creek Fishing and Questions

We went fishing in our own creek recently and though I was skeptical about catching much the boys caught one big crayfish and 6 minnows.  Two of them really weren't that small!  

The garden has been fun this year. Our watermelons are yummy and we have enjoyed adding honey dew to our harvest. It seems like every year we have too much of something (this year Okra and collards) and too little of something else (this year squash and cantaloupe).  Last year, we were ridding ourselves of cantaloupe!  We did enjoy adding honey dew this year!  We just can’t seem to get it right!

Our states we'd covered by the end of July.

Jeb chose to learn his states and we have had a great time. I am really ashamed to admit that he knows some of them better/faster than me. I can’t wait to see what he decides to learn next year.  Having his buy in was KEY to happiness. 

  

I can’t remember if we had put up pics of Cay dressed up as Billy from Where the Red Fern Grows.  He LOVES to hunt and says he wants to be a hunter Halloween. Billy loves to catch anything that is moving these days especially grasshoppers. 

 Messes like these are why I HATE cooking. I recently made an Enchilada meatloaf with a nice cornbread crust and it was great, but after I cleaned up the mess I thought, "NO food is worth that mess."  I wish that I could take a food pill and move on.

 The cousins had a sleep over this summer and the boys enjoyed bed bounding until late.

 No teeth were lost in the process of this game Dr. Paul.

 The fam-Summer 2011

Caleb has really been stumping me asking questions lately. I was driving down the road one day and out of the blue he asked, "Momma, how does the Dr. get the babies out. How dooo-es the baby get in there?" Jeb was quick to explain a vaginal birth as well as a C-section with all the details--YIKES. Thanks animals for teaching my children so many lessons on reproductive health.

Then, this week he asked me "how does Jesus get into somebody's heart."  I said, well, he doesn't come in with a physical body like arms and legs but you have a spirit and a soul inside your body.  He said, " I HAVE A SPIRIT????"  Well, then I got on the Holy Spirit and how he comes when you invite him, and when you sin you'll hurt and feel bad if you have God's Spirit living inside you.  I think he was more confused when I got done discussing the trinity!  Hopefully, one day he'll get it!

 My sweet, sweet Billy.  One more thing--he requested an ax Birthday theme this year? I don't think that is going to happen.  If we invite small children that could be scary.  Who's ever seen an ax cake?

I was only slightly embarrassed when my kid told the pediatrician we let him play with an ax. Try explaining that is an old, small ax that is not really that sharp and is used under close supervision.